Hi friends.
Before anything else, allow me to give a sincere apology. I had grand plans for June, and I failed at them. In fact, I think June has been one of my lowest posting months of this year, but with good reason.
So, let’s get into this. A lot of things have changed since my last post, and the situation is more fluid than I thought it was that day (and the day I posted that update).
Let’s start with the mostly controlled. My job. So, last Monday was my first in-office day (I only have to go in on Mondays). Surprisingly, it wasn’t terrible. I did discover that I cannot stand it, because it’s quiet, then people will have loud conversations and pull me away from what I’m working in. I’m also in the middle of an intense training course, which started on Monday as well. This means that I’m basically distracted from 8AM-4:30PM every week day, and I can’t check my personal stuff like I have been leading up to this.
On the downside, someone tested positive for COVID. Now, I have tested negative daily since my in-office day, but I’ve already complained again. Myself and one other in my group did the best we could to keep distance and wear masks, but it’s not required and most people weren’t. I’m still somewhat self-isolating just in case (until tomorrow). It’s a precaution that I probably don’t need to take, but it’s one that I’ll happily do to keep my family safe.
Now, onto the fandom bullshit. Yes, I’m calling it that, because it’s been a bit of a nightmare. I’m going to be a bit blunt, my apologies in advance.
Early last week, I was included on a list of “problematic” authors. This list was distributed amongst the entire 9-1-1 community on Tumblr. Surrounding this post was posts talking about everyone who was on this list, labeling us as racists.
I am not, or have I ever been, racist. To call someone that… No. It’s absolutely not true. And the fact that this stems from me not being a fan of a character of color… Apparently, if I hold Chimney Han to task for punching Buck, if he isn’t one of my favorite characters, then I am racist.
Being called this was soul-destroying. I’m not joking, I had a damn panic attack. What made it worse is that I found out in the middle of the work day (the Tuesday before my in-office day). And honestly, to top off this, I was called into a meeting with an HR representative, as they had seen the post (we’d previously discussed fanfic and fandom, so they had a passing knowledge of my usernames, freely given) and felt that I may have violated my contract. It was nearly an hour of defending myself, but I kept my job. What saved me was a post that said I was only on the list out of spite, because I toed the line (I abhor violence and would be against any character who threw the punch) and because I once kudoed one of the “problematic” fics.
I made the choice to delete my fics because I was afraid. I didn’t want to be bombarded (as I was already seeing others be). It was a horrific few days, and I thought, “this is it, I’m done with fandom. I can’t do this anymore.” It was only when people stood up to this, using logic to fight back against this wave of hatred, did I decide to repost.
Now, I do want to make something clear. I do think that people have stepped over the line in this fandom. Are they racist? I can’t be the one to say that. However, I can say that the way this group went about telling people, by putting out what can only be described as a target or hit list, and doubling down, targeting anyone who dared comment in support or kudo (whether or not they were aware of this group), they handled it poorly. They have stated clearly that they contacted the people who were on the list before it went live, “educating” them (their words). It was only when they received a negative response or no response at all did they release the list. (This is how I know I was added in the end. I received no communication what so ever. I checked all of my social media.)
Right now, I’m slowly getting everything reposted. For the most part, every story is getting a read through and a quick spelling and grammar check. Sometimes I’m adding a line or a word, nothing crazy. One had an ending change (which, I should note, was something I was planning on working on during my next three day weekend; this just gave me an early opportunity). And a few are going up untouched. Each one now has a clear message at the end of it:
“This work has been reposted by the original author. Please do not link to this fic or put it on a recommendation list without the permission of the author. Do not add this fic to any discord, no permission will be given. Comment moderation is on. If you have any issues/problems with this fic, or any other that I have written, my Tumblr DMs are open for discussion.”
As a result of me doing all this reposting (it will end up being approximately 100 fics all told, as there are several that I just don’t really like so they probably won’t return), my plans for the beginning of the month are going to be delayed. My kudo project update (which has returned with everything being reuploaded) will be delayed until next week, as well as my book, video game, and tv check-in posts. There are a few other things I want to talk about in the coming weeks as well. Hopefully by Monday (the 4th, which I’m not celebrating for good reason), I’ll have some sort of posting plan set and started.
Thank you all for your patience and understanding. This has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, one that is slowly getting back to normal. <3
Until next time!
