I spent all November trying to drag this out of my brain where it has been living rent free. This is my NanoWrimo story that failed to exist when I needed it to. I’ve talked about it before, but now I can finally say more.
The prologue of sorts is now up on AO3.
I realized early on that I didn’t want to write a long story. But I also didn’t want to just write one or two short stories and call it a day. I’ve done it before, and I haven’t been every happy with doing that.
I started The Immortal Genius the same way I always do, with a brain dump. By that, I mean I open a new document (this time on Google Drive) and just write whatever comes to mind. I didn’t plan out what was going to open the story, how I was going to structure it, or even where the natural end point was. I just wrote single lines and quick plot ideas. From there I took a few lines and started to plan.
I came up with four plot ideas quickly: Reid’s introduction into immortality, conversations on Malta, the aftermath of Booker’s betrayal, and the family coming back together.
For obvious reasons, I immediately decided to not do that last plot idea yet. Starting a story in the middle is one thing, starting at the end is boring. Instead I tried to start at the beginning, but for some reason, it just didn’t flow. By now, so many people has done stories featuring that Hankel scene in Criminal Minds, and I just don’t think I could do it justice.
So, instead, I decided to combine the first three ideas. Flashbacks and introspection are a thing!
Unfortunately, because I wanted to get it out, I cut my planned last scene with drunk!sassy!Booker and sleepdeprived!Reid discussing a certain someone’s choices of late. That will be apart of the second story, where I also hope to at least have Nile have a conversation with Reid. They have a thirteen year age difference, but I’d really love to write a millennial vs the intellectual, or rather, Ms. Tech vs Mr. Anti-Tech. Because why not.
I would also love to have Nicky and Joe make appearances, but I think I’ll wait until the third part for that. Not that I don’t love our Immortal Husbands, but I’m kinda enjoying making these shorter pieces.
I’m planning on having the BAU make appearances in the next fic, mostly because having Reid be worried on the plane is so much fun. But we will see how it goes. If not soon, they will appear.
I’m also thinking of new plots and looking from prompts to play with. Reid’s been around for about five years now, and there has to have been some times he’s unintentionally joined in on the Guard’s missions. Plus, I want their reactions to some of this more… dangerous escapades. (Liberty Ranch, the Anthrax incident, the Barton incident…) And I really want to have the Guard cross paths with the BAU, but that’ll be later on.
For now, I’m going to take my time. I want to build into this world. And I’m having fun with it. We shall see where this takes me.
So, at this point, I was written about 2000 words. My plan for Nano just isn’t working out.
It has nothing to do with the story I’ve decided to tell. I’m happily working on my this Criminal Minds / The Old Guard fic. It’s coming along well. It’s not motivation lacking. Or even an issue of time.
I’ve just changed my plan with the story. Or, in this case, stories.
I realized early on this month that I wanted to tell Reid’s story as an immortal, which he becomes after his… encounter with Tobias Hankel. But at the same time, I didn’t want that encounter to be the start. Instead, I started with Reid and Booker having a moment post-TOG movie.
But then I decided that I wanted the fic to be a series of short stories, instead of one full fic. Which is obviously a bit more work, but it also made this more worth more to me.
I also decided to play around with the timeline of CM, because I was not about to not be with my favorite team of profilers for the most of the fic (Seasons Three-Seven). Because of that, I ended up messing with my timeline and plans and you can just imagine how that went.
Basically, it became a huge mess. I have almost finished part one, which is the Reid-Booker sass-fest, which I’m hoping to post on ArchiveOfOurOwn tomorrow. And of course, that means that I’ll be working on other parts of the plot during Blogmas… which I’m not talking about until Monday. Seriously. You didn’t read the back half of the last sentence.
Anyway, this isn’t how I wanted NaNoWriMo 2020 to go. Unfortunately, it went the way of 2020, where everything that could go off/wrong, it does and will. I’m okay with that though. The extra time will do it good.
… and now I know what it is to lose two hours to a fever dream.
Look, I’ll be honest. I paid ten bucks for this film. I went in with low expectations. But honestly, I was hoping to be surprised! I’ve enjoyed movies that people hate before. I was really hoping this would be another Valerian for me, something terrible but with a redeemable quality to it. Somewhere.
Nope.
I picked up the film for Marwan Kenzari, who is one of the stars of my favorite 2020 film, The Old Guard. I knew his role was small. I knew that he was only in a handful of scenes. But I was at least hopeful that I would enjoy something about this film until I saw him, and perhaps even get a kick out of it.
Honestly, I spent most of my time trying to figure out if this was supposed to be a horror/action film… or a damn comedy.
Tom Cruise stars in this nightmare, playing Sergeant Nick Morton. Though, if he was supposed to be military, I have news for you, you wouldn’t have a damn clue. I honestly thought that him being called “sergeant” was more of a throwback title, not his rank. He acted too much like a civilian. His best friend is Chris Vail, played by Jake Johnson of New Girl fame. He’s the comedic relief. Every one of his scenes either has him whining about following Nick into danger, or whining about being dead, or whining that Nick needs to come this way, please and thank you. Yeahhh, I wasn’t impressed.
Our token female heroine (if you really want to call her that, sorry) is Dr. (?) Jenny Halsey, an archaeologist. I think. She does so many damn things in the first twenty or thirty minutes that make me question whether she’s new or just dumb. Annabelle Wallis does what she can with what she’s got, but she doesn’t have much to work with.
Russell Crowe got roped into this mess as well, as Dr. Jekyll of all characters! And they messed up their portrayal of Jekyll and Hyde, but at that point, I really wasn’t surprised. He also didn’t do much besides kick Tom Cruise’s ass at one point (my therapy for getting through this). As for Marwan Kenzari, he’s Malik, though unnamed in the movie. He’s the chief of security apparently. He also has like thirty spoken words total across his five or so scenes. Oh, and he gets KO’ed by Jenny with the book from the 90’s Mummy film. One of the few funny moments in this trash heap. He also has nothing to do, and is beyond wasted.
There’s one more character of note. The Mummy herself, Ahmanet, played by Sofia Boutella. She… is a character. She’s basically there to cause trouble. Loki, if you will. Completely useless, no character development. But she bitch slaps Cruise like three times, so she is officially best character in my book.
As for the story… like I said, fever dream. It made no sense. Nick is a useless character, completely cookie cutter and worthless. If he opened up his mouth and talked to Token Female Heroine about what he was seeing in his head for like five minutes (instead of the four shots he did in a row… dude you probably have a concussion, alcohol is a bad idea…), this film might not have sucked so much. The band of morons does every thing wrong. Oh, and apparently Nick is Set in the end. So, bad guy. Kinda.
The CGI is honestly garbage. I know there were rewrites and reshoots and all that, but it felt rushed and terrible. There is a shot where Ahmanet is throwing up liquid mercury. It looked so beyond fake that I burst out into laughter.
I know they were trying to set up a cinematic universe, similar to the Marvel Cinematic Universe or DC’s Live Action Universe. But this film failed in so many regards. The final montage was attempting to set up for a sequel, or the next film in said universe, but it honestly closed out the film with a boulder with STOP written all over it.
I actually felt sorry for Cruise by the end. He played a character that was almost entirely the complete opposite from Ethan Hunt, his character in the Mission Impossible series. The problem is, while this idea is great on paper, it is ruined by bad writing. He comes off as a complete idiot with no real respect for the Chain of Command, no idea what he’s doing, and no real wish to learn. He is arrogant for no good reason. It’s almost like he’s an idiot for no damn reason.
I’m gonna cut this rant off now, because if I don’t, I’ll go for an hour. I will leave you with this: the best shot in the film is where Marwan Kenzari shoots Tom Cruise in the chest with a tranq dart. It’s glorious.
Final verdict? Avoid at all costs. Even if you’re trying to watch everything the TOG cast has done. Not worth it at all.
At the time I’m starting today’s post, it is 8:00pm PST. Which means I’m late. Very late. By the time it goes live, it will probably be 11:00pm.
But there’s a reason.
For over ten years now, I have taken part in NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write 50,000 words during the month, which is the approximate size of a novella, or about half to two thirds of a novel. I usually get about to my birthday in the middle of the month and fall off.
I’ve been avoiding thinking about it all year, because I always say I’ll do it, sign up and then fail yet again. Very demoralizing. Some years (pre-2015) was because of school, as November is right before finals. I was an English/Creative Writing major, I had enough writing to do for a grade. In years past, it’s been because I was working (or, 2018 when we moved across the damn country in the middle of the month. I did write a bit of a travel log, but it was only like eight thousand words, nothing to even feel remotely proud of).
So I wasn’t planning on doing it. A couple people on the Immortal Disasters Discord (The Old Guard fandom, but much smaller and with less bullshit than the other two big ones) were talking about doing Nano. I have been firm in my beliefs. No no no.
And then.
I was looking through my old bookmarks on FF.Net last night during the Dodgers game (during the commercials, I’m not that damn stupid). I kept on finding old Criminal Minds fics that I used to love, most of which were written before the end of Season 8. I used to be love the show, but I had to stop watching when it started giving my mom nightmares. I still wear mismatched socks in honor of my favorite character, Dr. Spencer Reid.
So there I was, looking at all these old fanfics, and a thought crossed my mind. What if, during Season Two, when Reid is kidnapped and tortured by Tobias Hankel, something happened. Reid is killed in the episode due to a seizure, after being drugged with dilaudid (cut with a hallusinagetic) and beaten. It’s a whole thing. But Reid is clinically dead. Hankel administers CPR which saves his life.
What if, when Reid died, he came back immortal? Yeah, I’m going there. Let’s cross Criminal Minds with The Old Guard
Now, this episode, Revelations, took place in February 2007, which places The Old Guard about 12 years into the future (Sunday April 21 is what Nile’s phone shows at about an hour and fifteen minutes, and the nearest year that would be is 2019, when the movie was filmed). So that actually gives me a lot to work with. It’s before the first time the team worked with Copley (9 years? prior to the film’s beginning). It could be fun.
I’ve been meaning to do a CM rewatch anyway, since I never finished off the series, and I find that to be, well, criminal. So. I’m gonna be blasting through seasons one and two before November 1st. And yes, this is possible, surprisingly. We’re not doing Halloween this year, so I don’t have to post up next to the door (where I end up watching a random movie over the course of the evening. Two years ago, it was Dylan O’Brien’s American Assassin. 2017 was Spider-Man: Homecoming.). The Dodgers’ game should be over by 8 or 9 pm, which leaves a bit of time. We’re planning a movie night after the end of the World Series, but that’s just one film. There’s enough time to watch… 40ish episodes (there’s a few I do skip for reasons. Most of which are in Season One anyway…)
So yeah. How would The Old Guard have changed if they had a 25-year-old FBI agent on the team. Obviously Reid couldn’t travel with the team, as I think it would be more fun to explore some of the later episodes that Reid has a major role in, but with an immortal twist. Does he tell the BAU? Probably not. Am I planning on shipping him with anyone? Nah. At least, I’m not actively thinking about it.
But this will be fun. And I get to play in two worlds I love.
Maybe if I do this, I’ll finally get around to the other fifty or so prompt ideas I have floating around my head.
As we all are very well aware, 2020 has been a dumpster fire, especially if you live in the United States. There’s been massive cancellations of big name projects and conventions, the closure of Disneyland until at least next month, the delays of some of the most talked about games of 2020… It’s been a mess.
And then July 9th rolled around. I was on Tumblr, and I started to see posts from a Netflix movie. Now, I wasn’t really in the mood to watch anything, so I put it out of my mind. I have the Reading Rush to think about, along with finishing my Lego Challenge. Some random little movie wasn’t in my wheelhouse. It would fade into obscurity like most Netflix films did.
But it didn’t.
For nearly three weeks, I kept on seeing more and more posts for this film. I saw it being mentioned on Youtube. It just didn’t go away. But I still resisted. I did not have the patience for an action flick. Especially one on a Netflix budget.
Then I saw the van scene.
Yes. That scene.
It was July 28th. Just three weeks from the film’s debut. I saw that damn scene and said, “Okay, I’ll give it a shot.”
Guys. Guys. I’ve now watched The Old Guard at least 25 times. It hasn’t even been out three months.
Let me explain the premise. Andromache of Scythia, known now as Andy (played by Charlize Theron with a fucking battle ax) leads a group of immortal warriors. They work together as modern day guns-for-hire. The rest of the group consist of Yusuf “Joe” Al-Kaysani (Marwan Kenzari, who was fresh off the role of Jafar in Disney’s Aladdin), Nicolo “Nicky” di Genova (Luca Marinelli, an Italian actor known in the US for portraying Primo in FX’s Trust), and Sebastian “Booker” Le Livre (Matthias Schoenaerts, with acting credits across like four countries). After being ambushed and killed on a job, they go to ground to figure out a way to get back at the man who double crossed them: James Copley (Chiwetel Ejiofor, who stole his scenes I swear to God). But everything backfires when a new immortal is born in the form of US Marine Nile Freeman (Kiki Layne in an outstanding performance for the young actress).
Of course, that’s just the first… 25 minutes or so? There’s so much more, most of which I don’t really want to reveal if you haven’t seen the film yet. I will drop this little hint. Harry Melling, yes Dudley Dursley, is in this film, and his role breaks what was left of the mold that series left him in.
Let’s Break It Down
So. The Old Guard is based off a five issue comic of the same name, though with some differences. The film takes the material from the comic and just makes it better, while removing some of the more… problematic issues the comic had (mostly the art). This was done in an amazing fashion by the comic and screenplay writer, Greg Rucka.
The actors play off of each other as if they had been acting together for years. They truly embraced the feeling of “found family” throughout several scenes. Each character has their own mini-arc, one that you don’t really realize until you’ve had multiple viewings. From Nile having to deal with being MIA and also immortal, to the near millennia-length romance of Joe and Nicky, each character gets a chance to shine. The amount of training they went through to portray these ancient warriors was impressive, especially if you watch some of the extra videos Netflix released around the film’s release.
But I need to highlight Nicky and Joe. They met in the Crusades. Rather, they killed each other in the Crusades. Nicky was a former priest turned Crusader. Joe was a merchant turned warrior. They killed each other. Many times. Though the film doesn’t show any flashbacks to these scenes, they are alluded to, and the comics go into more detail. But. They stopped killing one another. They grew closer. They fell so damn hard in love. Marwan Kenzari and Luca Marinelli sold every scene they shared (which was most of them, honestly). I could take an entire TV series just of their lives, before Andy and Booker, and no one would mind. We’d just want more.
Stepping away from waxing poetry on these amazing actors (I can go DAYS), the film from a technical standpoint is right up there with some of the bigger Netflix films. Helmed by Gina Prince-Bythewood, the film is a massive undertaking, what with it’s tight schedule they had to film under. (One scene, the “Kill Floor”, was shot in three days. Most big budget films would have taken a week at least.)
I will say that one thing that has caused issue with the film is the soundtrack. It seems either hit or miss depending on who watches it. For example, I loved every second of it, and downloaded the complete soundtrack within 24 hours of first watching the film. Others say several songs take away from the film in a bad way. While this is a cause of mild discourse, it is shocking that this would be one of the few detractors from the film in the eyes of fans.
Let’s Go Forward
So, the film’s a damn success. It broke into Netflix’s top ten for at least a week. It’s very well watched, one of the most popular films during quarantine. Heck, it’s been nominated for four People’s Choice Awards!
What’s next? We don’t know.
At this point, the fans are ravenous. Tumblr has awakened with gif set upon gif set from the film. We’re micro-analyzing scenes. (Yes, Joe had his legs tangled with Nicky in the bedroom/nightmare scene for 1.5 seconds. Yes, we counted.) Debating character choices line by line. Comparing scenes to the comics.
But. We still don’t have a confirmed sequel.
It’s almost baffling. The film is an obvious high point this summer. The fan want it. The cast keeps hinting at it. The director and writer want a shot at it. Hell, there’s even a sequel hook that needs to be resolved please and thank you!
Unfortunately, there’s a slight problem. It’s call the current world situation. Projects with confirmed sequels are getting canceled instead of confirmed. Netflix has canceled a few themselves just the other day.
Will there be a sequel to this amazing film? It’s up in the air. But there is certainly a call for it. We just have to wait and see.
In Conclusion…
Watch The Old Guard. If this crazed write up didn’t do it, let me quote Marwan. “Who doesn’t want to see Charlize Theron with an ax?”
