Poetry: “Aftermath”, “Lock and Key”, “Irony of the Poet” – Blogtober!

I wanted to post some more of my poetry on my blog, so here are three more of my favorite poems.

“Aftermath” was written as an in-class assignment. It’s a pantoum, which has a bit of a funky rhyme scheme. Once you get it, however, it flows pretty quickly.

Aftermath
She stood by the window,
Glass covered the floor.
Her hand traced the frame
and her memory returned.

Glass covered the floor,
Making every step an adventure.
Her memory suddenly returned
and fear clenched her heart.

Every step was an adventure
as she tried to make sense of it all.
Fear clenched at her heart.
She nicked her foot again.

She tried to make sense of it all.
The wooden door opened.
She nicked her foot on more glass
As she turned to see him.

The wooden door kicked open
and he nonchalantly walked in.
She turned to face him;
he smiled, startling her.

He nonchalantly walked in,
holding a hand out as a peace offering.
His smile startled her.
She carefully took it.

He held out his hand like a peace offering.
"I'm glad you're okay, Kailee," he said.
She hesitantly took it
and let him hug her tight.

"I'm glad you're okay, Kailee," he whispered.
"This time, I'll protect you."
She let him hug her
as he told him everything.

"This time, I'll protect you."
Taking her bandaged hand into his.
She told him everything
and he quickly prepared to leave.

Taking her bandaged hand into his,
he swore to return.
He quickly prepared to leave,
so he could help her from afar.

He swore to return,
so he left her something precious.
He could help her better from afar.
The door shut behind him.

He left her his precious ring.
She stood by the window with it.
The door shut quietly behind him,
while she collapsed crying against the shattered window.

“Lock and Key” was written in about twenty minutes for a spoken word poetry slam that was being held on campus when I was at University of South Florida. I’d just really started putting my life back together after my friend group exploded (again). This was my mental response to it all. It’s better read aloud, at least I think so.

Lock and Key
I still remember the door,
the one with the big window cut out of it,
where I could see everyone sitting around
laughing and talking, just like any other day.

That door,
that locked door,
the only thing separating me
from the people I thought I knew,
that I thought I could trust.

The people who kicked me to the curb at the drop of a hat.

"What did I do!?"
I must have yelled a hundred times.

"Silence" was my answer.

These people -
they knew my secrets,
they knew the darkest corners of my mind,
my thoughts and fears and dreams.

They took everything I was -
everything I wanted to become -
and showed the world.

It was meant to be a joke.
They didn't care just how much it hurt.
It was fun for them.

They set out to destroy me.

They nearly succeeded.

As I sat against that locked door
weeks after they threw away the key
I decided to push back.
I wouldn't be their doormat.
Not for another second.

I picked the lock.

I stormed into that room,
the room that held so many memories,
and took my life back.
I picked up my fears,
gathered my secrets,
carried them all to safety.

I finally stood up for myself.
I freed myself.

Now others sit on the that side of my door,
wanting to break it down. Again.

It's not the same people,
but it's the same idea, the same plan.

This time -
I'm the one throwing away that key.

So, “Irony of the Poet” was a response poem I wrote against my Creative Writing teacher in college. She’d gone on this rant about poetry that just kinda grated on my nerves, especially because I was talking her class for the prose aspect (we did both, as well as playwriting). She’d asked us to write a poem about our feelings towards poetry. I kinda snapped. (Also, there’s references to an old fanfic-turned-original-fiction right in the middle, but I’m not editing this and it’s a kinda fun little tidbit.)

Irony of the Poet
Teacher, you imply that poetry is the best,
And that writing it is even better,
But I must disagree.
I need the prose, the flowing sentences, 
The paragraphs, the pages.
The ability to write my way
With colors and descriptions and characters,
Sci-fi, fantasy, mixed as one.
A young girl in the middle of a war;
A teen with nothing more to lose.
Adults trying to steer them right,
And villains trying to stop them.
Sentences of dialogue and description,
Characters taking a form of their own.
My way has no room for poetry,
And there is no lost love.
Writing a poem may be what you want,
Dear teacher, but I must stick with what I know.
Prose is my life, the way I breathe,
And poetry will never fit in.

I’ll be posting more of my old poetry, including a sestina, one of these days. I don’t want to completely show my hand too soon, right?

[This post is a make up post for missing four earlier in the month. 4/4]

Until next time!

Poetry: “The Woman in the Window”, “Panic”, “Survivors” – Blogtober!

As I said, here are the three poems I mentioned in the previous post. I’ll intro them, and then include each poem.

“The Woman in the Window” was the first poem I wrote in my Creative Writing I class at my community college. I don’t really remember what the prompt was; it’s been ten years at this point. It was one of my first poems that I did without rhyming, which is something that was forced upon us in high school (go Florida public schools, kill me). Anyway, I still hold this one close to my heart. Enjoy.

The Woman in the Window
The woman in the window,
So beautiful, so kind.
The person I want to be.
She waves, I wave back.
She messes her hair, I straighten my shirt.
She smiles, I grin.

The window shatters,
Glass scattering across the tile.
I'm left looking at wood.
The shards reflect a broken image of myself.

The true me.

I pick them up. I pull the wood frame down.
I glue them back together. I hang it back up.

The window is back.
The woman in the mirror is me.

“Panic” was written in response to a panic attack I had at university. As I said in the previous post, my roommate didn’t care that I was getting sick. I have an allergy to bleach, breathing it in makes my throat close up and gives me migraines. (imagine how much fun the past eight months have been). Anyway, after she blew off yet another scheduled conversation with me and our RA, she had the audasity to make jokes about it. It trigged a panic attack. One of my other roommates had to get into my phone and call my mom or pull me out of it. About a week later, (she was not kicked out of the dorm, but she was banned by the school for using bleach inproperly again, lest she get kicked out) I wrote about the experience. I also barely stayed in the dorm for the rest of the semester, choosing instead to move out and drive every day (45+ minutes, with 9:00 classes every day, on a campus with not nrealy enough parking). Anyway, enjoy.

Panic
Pulse racing -
Head pounding -
Hands shaking.
Gasping. For. Air.
Body stumbling backwards,
scrambling for purchase.
Skin slick with sweat.
Back meets the wall,
Legs buckle.
Curled up,
clenching trembling knees.
Control. Need control.
Tears leaving tracks.
A voice breaks through.
"Breathe. Breathe. Breathe."
Lungs stop clenching,
limbs slowly ease shivering.
Full body chill.
Exhaustion.
"Thank you."

Finally, “Survivors” was written at work one night. I was missing around with some form poetry, specifically sestinas and villanelles. I ended up coming up with the first line in the poem, a suddenly the whole thing just kinda flowed. I really enjoyed writing this one, especially trying to rhyme certain words. This one also made my mom cry, so I love it more. Please enjoy.

Survivors
Downtown’s lights could be seen miles away,
Cutting through the darkness by shining bright.
I could watch them twinkle through my doorway.

The stories of old don’t truly portray
The hidden beauty of the city at night.
Downtown’s lights could be seen miles away,

From my home I could see a display;
The sky aflame with a million blazing lights
I could watch them twinkle through my doorway.

In the shadows I could see the fields of battle and play,
Where many a fighter fell in the fight.
Downtown’s lights could be seen miles away,

Fireworks to remember those who had gone far away.
Statues to remind us who faded in the twilight.
I could watch them twinkle through my doorway.

The heartbreak from the battles would never go away,
Even with the memories blocked from my sight.
Downtown’s lights could be seen miles away,
I could watch them twinkle through my doorway.

I hope you enjoyed. Let me know if you want me to post some of my other poems (I have a couple more I’d love to show off.)

[This post is a make up post for missing four earlier in the month. 2/4]

Until next time!

Memories in Poetry – Blogtober!

This morning, I got a reminder from Facebook to check my memories. It’s honestly one of the few reasons I still even have a Facebook account anymore. I pulled it up, and the first thing I saw was this picture.

Two years ago, before my family moved cross country to California, I worked as a concierge at an Independent Living Facility in Florida (which shall go unnamed). I worked there for six and a half years, leaving the day before my 28th birthday (we started our drive two days later).

Ever October (except one, where everything got cancelled due to an exploded pipe and both of our activity directors having emergencies back to back) the staff would put on a talent show for the residents. It was always on a Thursday, which meant that I never saw it or took part in it. (My schedule over the years had me working Friday-Tuesday or Saturday-Wednesday.)

My family had been talking about moving to California for over a year by this point. In fact, my mom had submitted her transfer paperwork almost 10 months prior. We had finally received word that she might get her transfer soon, so we started prepping and packing and whatnot.

I decided that I wanted to read some of my poetry at the talent show. A few of my residents had seen me writing it, and all of them had been demanding copies. Heck, two of them had been kind enough to look over one of my short stories right before I graduated with my Creative Writing degree a few years prior.

I’d done poetry reading before. While at community college, I helped organize three poetry slams, participating in all of them. I also did one at university, which was more terrifying because my poetry professor was in the audience, and I didn’t see him until I stepped up to the mic.

I’d also like to point out that I have a bit of a fear of public speaking. If the lights blind me, I can act on a stage, but just standing there is a nightmare. I knew the lights at my job would be bright, but not enough to hide my fear. But I put up with it because I wanted to do something for me, and for my amazing residents.

So, I signed up. It was the first time I was going to do it, and the last. I picked three poems that I’d written. And I just sucked it up and prepped.

Only a few of my coworkers actually knew I was going to do it. I of course told my boss (who screamed “Yes!” when she heard), and my supervisor, and one of the leads. But I really just kept my mouth shut, and made sure to say no to anyone asking to switch on that day. (It was a common day to ask off for, because the residents’ families liked to come and watch as well, and it made our lives more difficult sometimes.)

The night before, I’m working the night shift, and I get a “call me” text from my mom right after my break. We were pretty lax about taking quick phone calls, as long as it was quiet and out of sight.

My mom got the transfer. She had to report the Monday before Thanksgiving. That meant we had less than a month to pack up the rest of the house, get it on the market, and drive across the United States to California.

I mean, I was ecstatic. I was bored in my home town, but massive student loans kept me from moving out (I had to take out as much as I could so that mom and I could live, on top of going to school. It cost a pretty penny. The 2008 stock market crash damn near killed us, and we were careful.)

I kept it to myself. Just said that it was a quick question that needed to be answered, what was the wifi password, uncle locked himself out again. Something common. I decided to not say anything. Not yet.

The next night, I got to work about a half hour early. I knew my boss was sticking around for it (she normally left at five, but if one of her people was doing something, she made a point to be supportive). No one on shift was expecting me, which made me laugh because the program for the talent show was right in front of them, my name clearly printed about half way down. I had my poems in one hand, a copy of mom’s transfer orders in the other (she works for the federal government, she’s one of the good guys, I swear.)

Boss gave me a quick hug, I handed her the orders. She shrieked again. She was a military brat, like mom, like me. She knew what I had. She asked me to stop by the next day, we’d get all the paperwork filled out, end day, the whole nine. She also told me to drop the bomb right at the end of my reading, which I agreed.

Finally, it was time. I’d picked three poems that I had written at three stages of my life. “Woman in the Window” was the first poem I wrote in college, and one of my all-time favorites. “Panic” was from my first semester at university, when I had a panic attack trigged by my roommate’s absolute blasé attitude to my bleach allergy, causing me to spiral (I was getting sick, she didn’t fucking care, she cleaned her bathroom twice DAILY with straight bleach, how was she even alive). And finally, pictured above, was “Survivors.” It’s a villanelle, which is a rhyming style that I still love to mess around with. I’d written it about six months prior, and one of my resident was trying to get it into a magazine for me. Didn’t happen, but I appreciated the thought.

All three went over perfectly. And as I said thank you, I asked for their attention for one final moment. I just thanked everyone for all their support over the past six years, and I would take all the strength and lessons they had given me to California when I moved on November 14th. I got hugs and old lady kisses, well wishes for nearly an hour after the final performance.

So, that’s how I preformed three poems… and also announced I was leaving my job. It went over much better than what happened in April. I wasn’t really expecting to go down memory lane today, but I guess I needed it (especially since the Dodgers just blew Game 4 so damn badly, what the hell?!).

Anyway, I’ll post all three poems tomorrow as an extra post, so it should go up in the morning.

Until next time!